Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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