After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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