summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hippo gnu deer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
