if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
