Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
