Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
