you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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