The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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