Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
