I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
