whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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