After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
