I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
