she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
