I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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