i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
