Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
