Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
