Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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