Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
