listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
