I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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