i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
