I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
