ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
