At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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