Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
