he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Sex in the backyard? Check.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
