it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
