They should really pass out barf bags in church
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
