Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
