I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
