that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
