you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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