we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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