You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
