Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
