i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
