I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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