i already hear my dad disowning me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
