According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
