I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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