he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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