it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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