last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
