this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
