I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
