the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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