I can tuck mytits in my pants
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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