weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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