Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
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We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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