Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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