dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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