I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
