So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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