She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
