you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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