Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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