Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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