I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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