Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
