If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
