just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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