it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
