i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
