He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
