mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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