You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
