You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This is not my ceiling
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
