She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
