a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
