They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
