Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
