Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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