Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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