how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My hand turned me down
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
