I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
