Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
