Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
