Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
